Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Slow Living, Manorsteading, and New Decisions

During my ten day hiatus, I learned a lot about myself, about my intentions and about my heart. I learned that some of the dreams I was holding tight to weren't things I should have been clinging to. Dreams I thought were dead were revived and some, sneaky little blighters, appeared again, fresh and clean, polished and shining like new silver.

Out of all of the new decisions and re-commitments, I saw one shining underlying thread. Like blue velvet laying against coffee stained burlap, the slow living ideal is tantalizing and hypnotic. Even flown? Rivers from 30,000 feet look like shimmering ribbons woven in a tapestry of greens and browns. Even those that wind through cities lend a magic quality to modernization. This is how I see the thread of slow. I'm reminded of flying out of Paris. The city sprawled below me but the river wound through, trudging onward as it had for thousands of years. Slow and steady, uninhibited by man and his trophies.

Life runs out of control but we hold the reigns. I know, work beckons (demands) and we cannot leap off the merry-go-round as we wish. We sometimes simply have to hang on with calloused hands and gritted teeth, praying for a pause, a glitch, a nod from the Divine that we can, at long last, let go. That's where I am at the moment. I cannot, at the present, quit my job. I am thankful for it and am in the process of making peace with it. It fits like a too small sweater, raw wool rubbing wounds against my once sun kissed skin. Now fluorescent light pale it bleeds but the pain reminds me of life out there, waiting, watchful, always beckoning with open arms.

I may not be able to jump ship (yet) but I can make the ride a little less bumpy as I continue my winding, twisting, convoluted way to the edge. A lot of thinking went into these past ten days, dear friends, and I'm more determined now to work for myself, for my visions and not for someone elses.

It has always been my dream to own my own business and to make a life via the work of my hands and words on the page. That is the end to which I am working. During the next few months, I will be posting the various twists and turns of this new commitment. I intend to be more diligent about pursuit as well as sharing photographic evidence of it. And yes, I will let you in on the little "secrets" revealed as the days go on. I'm just not ready to do so without concrete proof. Castles in the sky still need solid foundations underneath. Those foundations are what I am working on now.

In other news, it's snowing again in Georgia. Bizarre. Cold. Over staying welcome. I love winter. This year, however, I'm in desperate need of summer! Knowing that spring must precede the prescribed season, however, I am beckoning the pollen laden blossoms and stuffy sinuses in exchange for grey overcast skies. Skies dressed in woollen jackets with icy buttons that snag on branches and fall, tumble down, onto street and lamp post. As soon as it sheds those garments, I, too, will be able to shed some burdens.

Until then, I wish you blue sky dreaming and warm breezes,
Jen

2 comments:

Betsy said...

Sounds like you've done a lot of wonderful contimplation. I love that quote about the castles in the clouds and building foundations underneath them. I have it on my sidebar! :) I hope you enjoy the process of making your dreams reality! :) And we missed you!

deb said...

Jen,
just stopping by to send wishes for warmth in all your heart places.